I've been captivated by this song for the last several days. By a CCM (contemporary Christian Music) artist named Shawn McDonald who has an interesting personal story.
Captivated
When I look into the mountains I see Your face
When I look into the night sky it sparkles Your NameThe wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
That's what draws me to YouChorus:
I am
I'm captivated by You
(You know that You do)
I am
I'm captivatedWhen I wake unto the morning it gives me your sights
When I look across the ocean it echoes Your mightThe sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made me
That's what draws me to YouChorus x2
The wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made meThe blood in my veins and my heart You invade
The plants how they grow and the trees and the shade
The way that I feel and the Love in my soul
I thank you my God for letting me knowChorus x2
The other night, I was walking home from Acacia Bar and the sky was absolutely clear. It has been months and months and months since this was true, either due to rainclouds (since March) or the harmattan haze (Nov-Feb). But that night it was so clear and I looked up and nearly fell over from all the stars and their brightness. Simply awe-inspiring! There was the universe, God's creation, captivating me, yet again.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, miracle of miracles after 6 1/2 weeks, last night I came home and voila! I had lights, power, electricity. So sweet. So, so sweet. Backed up my computer, charged my toothbrush, turned on the lights! As you can see, it doesn't take much to get me excited :-)
This morning after my run, I just automatically put water on the cooker to heat up. It wasn't until I was pouring it into my wash bucket that I realized, "oh duh, I could have used my handy electric wand heater." Apparently they are right when they say it takes 4 weeks to create a habit!
This morning I had an initial job interview (they are interviewing by phone to shortlist who they will fly in for a face-to-face interview). I think it went reasonably well. I'm sure I don't really have any perspective on it, it is pretty difficult to read "the space" over the phone. But, personally, I think I am a very good fit for the job, possibly even a bit overqualified. They are moving pretty fast so I should know in a couple of days if I've been shortlisted. I really appreciate that.
This job is one of 3 opportunities that I will find out about in May. I started getting anxious, wound up, about how would I decide, but then I realized that is just crazy. I don't have any choice to make yet and who knows if I will? But the most effective thing that happened was the other night, my mind was getting all in knots and some part of me just popped up out of the morass and prayed, "God, please help me, when I'm faced with a choice, to follow my heart's desire." And as I said it, I realized that was what I really wanted -- to follow my heart's desire. Not to make the most practical choice or the most lucrative choice or the choice that would be the best for my career or whatever else. No, what I really want to do is follow my heart's desire. Knowing that so clearly is a wonderful tonic for my mind.
In the West (well, definitely the US and the UK at least), we are constantly told that "time is money" and we really do believe it. And we believe that this means time is valuable and that we are aware of its value.
I wonder if perhaps the opposite isn't true. Here in Cameroon, time is definitely not money. Time is free. It's the one thing everyone has plenty of. I'm not sure if it necessarily follows, but I notice that my Cameroonian colleagues experience much less stress and they celebrate significant life events (weddings, funerals, births) with much more vigor.
Here are a few lyrics from one of my favorite songs ("Life Means So Much" by Chris Rice) which I think illustrates this perspective:
Everyday is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one’s rich, nobody’s poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend?
Will you invest or squander?
Try to get ahead?
Or help someone who’s under?Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
Somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Well, the bad/sad news is that only two kittens have survived. They seem strong though and their eyes are just now opening.
The good news? I've applied for a lot of jobs and other opportunities for after VSO and one of those was to be a UN Volunteer and they just offered me an opportunity. That doesn't mean I'll get it (they offer it to 3 or so people), but it felt really great to be *wanted*. Really good.
Sadly, this morning I had to lay two of the newborns to rest. So now we are down to four and one of those is not moving as much as the rest nor eating as much. The good news is the other three are quite active, aggressive about eating and very mobile (for 6 day old kittens with their eyes still shut). It's sad, though, I was hoping we'd have a big batch this time.
Okay, well Shivaya obviously likes the boys and before the last batch of
kittens were out of the house, she was pregnant again. Last Saturday, she
gave birth to another batch of 6 kitties this time - two orange tabbies and
4 who look like Dalmations! They are small and barely peeping at the moment,
but they'll take over the house soon enough. Luckily, the last batch all
went to nice homes and I already have two requests for the current set.
Maybe this time I'll charge the standard fee, but what will I do with 6
chickens?
I don't suppose anyone knows an American or European trained Vet in Bamenda
who can perform the necessary surgery do they? Cameroonian Vets can't do the
operation on a female as it requires general anesthesia. . .
So. . . Many years ago (over 20 as a matter of fact,) I worked with an organization called the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA). One of the primary things I did was facilitate community “town meetings” and community youth forums. These were basically visioning and strategic planning workshops based on a methodology the ICA created which came to be known as the Technology of Participation. This was before facilitation or even participation, participatory planning or participatory rural assessment was in vogue. I loved it. I had a knack for it even at 17 and thoroughly enjoyed everything about the process, whether drawing charts or facilitating a group session or creating the report.
A couple of times after I left the ICA, I used these methods. I brought in someone to do a training at one place I worked; I facilitated a strategic planning session for the Board of a nonprofit I worked with. Here and there. Off and on. And each time, I loved it. But I was never in a position where it was a major element of my work.
It’s been years since I’ve done anything like that. Until I had to facilitate first the OD orientation and then the OD Self-Assessment workshop for NWADO. Oh, actually, I led a workshop at PRTC to rewrite a major project proposal also where I basically used ToP methods ‘cause they are very natural to me. And again I loved it. This is unlike anything else I’ve done in my professional life. I mean, I enjoy the satisfaction of solving a problem and I like to manage projects. Taking on daunting tasks and succeeding feels great. And I like checking things off my to do list. But facilitating participatory processes is in another league altogether. It is something I am very good at and yet, there is always more growth available and I want to follow that growth path. At the end of a day facilitating a participatory workshop, I feel exhausted and exhilarated – much like I feel after a long run.
One of the things that arose out of the OD Self-Assessment of NWADO was that they didn’t have a strategic plan and needed one. One of the difficulties in the organization is that they really don’t have a clear idea of what they are about and where they are going. So, at the end of March, with funding from the British High Commission via VSO, I facilitated a strategic planning workshop for NWADO’s members using the ToP methodology. It was phenomenal. The result was excellent—something I am quite proud of, frankly. I might even post the report here when it’s all finished.
And I learned all over again how much, how much, how much I love doing this. How can I do this for a living? I’ve never done anything that feels so good, that gives me such a feeling of accomplishment, that is both challenging and something I am very good at, that I would be happy to study and practice and devote myself to achieving mastery in.
I hope I can see what a job doing this would look like before I fall for the “you can’t do that because. . .” conversation.
It's odd filing a tax form full of 0s. All it did was cost me money (since I
have to eFile). But since I want to keep my nose clean, I needed to do it.
The real bummer? I didn't have enough income to qualify for the economic
stimulus package rebate. And I, of course, have an economy that could really
*use* some stimulating. . .
Last week Micheal Mboowa (a VSO volunteer from Uganda) and I facilitated a
workshop on Good Governance and Human Rights for the organisation he is
working with -- the Youth Outreach Programme-Cameroon. I did the day on Good
Governance and he did the day on Human Rights.
Nearly everyone I know in the US sent me either a link or the actual full
text of Barack Obama's speech at Constitution Center in Philadelphia on 18
March. And I read various comments and news reports about the significance
of the speech. And so this afternoon, I finally sat down and read it.
Wow.
Now I think I understand a bit how my parents felt about John F. Kennedy. As
a child, I always took it as a "fact" that he was a great man. But he lived
for me on the same plane as Abraham Lincoln -- before my time (JFK was
assassinated when I was 1 1/2). I knew my mother got quite emotional
whenever she talked about that time and the hope "everyone" felt, but I
didn't grow up in a hopeful world. I grew up in a world of Watergate. I
lived in Chicago the day they kicked all the mentally ill people out of the
institutions and onto the streets. I lived in San Francisco during the
height of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Iran Contra, the clandestine operations in
Latin America, the astonishing increase in the gap between rich and poor, a
minimum wage that even a single person cannot live on, so many wars and
propped up tyrannical dictators I've lost count, the politics of fear and
scarcity -- this has been the America of my lifetime.
And now comes Barack Obama. With hope. He embodies hope, he speaks hope, he
operates from hope. It's catching. I think I may be getting the hope flu.
I must say that I've been guilty of the same sin as Rev. Wright. That is,
believing that US society cannot change, at least not with respect to
racism. Because of that, I found Obama's speech astonishing. Exciting.
Amazing. That we could actually look right at the issues of racism and not
brush them under the carpet (could we really?); that we could tell the truth
about all the different factors that keep this whole set of structures in
place (no kidding?); that we could talk about the real issues in America
that affect all of us (and the sky won't fall?). . . It makes me almost
giddy.
You know, if Obama gets elected, I might just seriously consider joining the
Foreign Service.
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