For anyone not on my mailing
list, I post my most recent update letter, which was quite overdue. Because of
that, it is long, just so you know.
“Should I give up, or should I keep on chasing pavements, even if
it leads nowhere?” Adele, “Chasing Pavements,” 19
“We sometimes have to feel like explorers, burning with the desire
to do what’s worth doing and to live life in such a way that we have no regrets
when it comes time for us to die. Let us learn freedom. The key point of
spiritual practice is to gain control over our mind. . . Our aim in taking the
spiritual path is to transform ourselves with a view to helping others free
themselves from suffering.” Mattieu Ricard, Happiness, p. 258
“You learn to know the quiet place at your center
so deeply, that you can hold it out to other people around you.” Andee Zetterbaum
Dear Friends and Family,
Wow, I started this letter
back in March and saved it in my “drafts” folder. Now we are nearing the end of
May and I’m just getting back to it. Oops. I knew it had been quite awhile
since I wrote to you all, but it really *has* been quite awhile. Sorry.
In this letter, I’ll cover:
Updates
Work
Home/Neighborhood/Social
Life
Socio-political
situation
The future (personal)
The future
(professional)
Updates
A few quick updates since
my last letter:
·
The kittens all made their way to nice homes and, believe it or not,
Shivaya got pregnant again (before the kitties were even gone) and has since
given birth again. For some reason, most of the kittens died in the first week
or two and we ended up with only two. But they are doing well and are now
absolutely adorable little bundles of playful fur. Their favorite activity is
wrestling. I think they are channeling the WWF (an oddly popular TV show here
in Cameroon).
·
I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, nor another I interviewed for.
Nor several others I applied for. The rejections are streaming in. More on all
that below.
·
NWADO has signed a 5-year agreement with VSO, which was a result of
having completed their Organizational Development work plan. That’s great news.
And VSO has lined up the next volunteer to replace me.
·
I ran the veteran’s race of Mt. Cameroon and was the 2nd
woman overall and the first in the 45-49 age group. Got some prizes and I was
on TV again! Plus there’s a tremendous amount of “street cred” that comes from
running Mt. Cameroon. . . You can read more about that and see a photo at http://revruns.blogspot.com
Work
Work is going well. The
first major project from the work plan that we implemented was to create a
Strategic Plan for NWADO. I led a Participatory Strategic Planning workshop
based on the Technology of Participation methodology from my ICA days and it
went brilliantly. There were 30 participants representing almost every member
organization. People enjoyed the process and participated well and in the end
we have a task force of the coordinators for the 90-Day implementation plan
which is underway. That was the greatest victory for me – that the participants
put their names down to do things and they are actually doing them (rather than
Eric doing everything). And I think there is much more ownership of the Association by the members now. If you
want to see the process and the report, check out our website: http://nwado.wordpress.com
There are also photos on my Flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tlongacre
This coming week, I’m going
to do the same workshop with YOP – Youth Organizing Project Cameroon where
Micheal Mboowa is the VSO Volunteer. I’ve helped them out with several things
over the past year: interviewing the staff for the OD Assessment process,
facilitating the staff section of the OD Assessment workshop, facilitating the
first Board meeting of their new Board of Trustees (one of their first great
accomplishments from the OD process), helping Micheal facilitate the Good
Governance & Human Rights workshops. It’s a great organization and I know
this workshop will be a lot of fun. Oh, they have a new website that is just
gorgeous. Check it out at: http://www.yopcam.org
At the NWADO Strategic
Planning workshop, there was tremendous interest in learning the methodology,
which dovetailed nicely with my participation on the Professional Development
Committee for VSO Cameroon because one of the key skills we identified that all
volunteers need is group facilitation. In the new approach to its work that VSO
has just adopted, all volunteers are basically acting as facilitators in the OD
process for their organizations, but many of them come without much training in
that – they have come because of their experience in education or local
government or fundraising, etc. So, last week I went up to Maroua, in the Far
North and led a 2-day Group Facilitation Methods training for the volunteers
there. That was very well received and I deeply enjoyed it (despite the heat –
on the second day the power was turned off in the whole town and it was quite
hot, particularly with no fans to even move the air around!). In mid-June I
will lead the same training here in the North West not only for the volunteers
but also for NWADO’s members and all of VSO’s partners. Luckily most of the
work is in small groups, so it’s pretty scalable. I expect we could have over
50 people at this.
We just got a new batch of
volunteers here in the North West in March. The program here in the NW is
really growing, particularly the Participation & Governance program. We now
have volunteers working in three local councils and two more coming in a couple
of weeks. This program is actually quite audacious. I told Ibrahim that I was
pretty sure that it was either going to fail miserably or succeed brilliantly.
The exciting/scary thing is that VSO is one of few NGOs in Cameroon that are
willing to deal head on with the corruption, lack of transparency, lack of
collaboration between the government & civil society organizations, etc.
There are a few others that want to give money to such efforts, but VSO is
really the only one that is bringing in expertise and getting commitment of
organizations and governments on the local level to begin to change what has
become a deeply embedded culture.
In March, the Regional
Director of VSO and the Vice President in charge of International Programs (I
think that’s right, at any rate, a big honcho from London) came for a visit and
I was asked to do a presentation on the Organizational Development work with
NWADO, a sort of case study. Since I was the first volunteer in the
Participation & Governance program, we were the only organization that had
gone through the entire process and actually had a 5-year agreement with VSO.
My presentation was well-received. I’ve used Powerpoint more in the past couple
of months than in the prior several years!
Home/Neighborhood/Social Life
We had one of the shortest
dry seasons on record and the rains started again in March. Hmmph. It was very
erratic, too, and everyone was getting unnerved ‘cause they couldn’t figure out
if they should go to their farms or not.
I am really appreciating
having power in my house these days. I was without for 6½ weeks because we were
borrowing from a neighbor which was supposed to be a temporary arrangement and
there was some problem with the meter that they couldn’t fix and so he cut the
power. It took those weeks for my landlord to go to SONEL (the power company)
and get them to come and install power in our compound – well, actually only
for me because no one else wanted to pay the meter deposit (and my neighbors
have since moved out). I miss them.
Francis is happy I have
power again because I’m spending more money in his shop. (His shop sits
directly opposite my front door.) I buy my drinks from him, but I only like
them cold, so I wasn’t buying much when I couldn’t refrigerate anything. He was
afraid I was also going to move away and kept getting after my landlord to
handle the situation. I am, after all, his best customer. I like a smart
businessman .
As I mentioned Shivaya gave
birth again and now I have these two absolutely adorable balls of fur around.
While I was in Maroua, they had just come out of their box and, lucky for me
another volunteer, Hilary came and stayed with them. She obviously loved them
up, because they are much better adjusted than the last batch of kittens. They
climb all over me and love to be petted. Just today they’ve started to eat
food, so pretty soon it will be time for them to go to their own homes. I gave
the last batch away, but I may charge the going price for these guys, just to
recoup the costs of feeding and cleaning up after them (the going cost being
one chicken, or 1,500 francs, which is a bit more useful to me since I don’t
eat chicken).
I have continued my regular
meditation practice and the Mezam Stars continue to train (although we’ve eased
off this past week because there are no upcoming races and we all kept getting
injured. . .). My yoga practice has been less regular mostly because, as a few
of you know, I have started taking French classes. I want to get my French back
up to “working” level and really need to learn the lingo for development work,
finance, computer functions and things like that which I was not taught in
school. And I really just need practice speaking. It is difficult for me to
switch back and forth between English and French (something Cameroonians do
with great ease) -- my mind gets into one or the other groove. My goal is to be
confident that I can pass a test to be able to work in French if I need to. And
in my ongoing inquiry into what makes me happen, one of the things I realized
is that I am happy when I am learning new things. So this fulfills that too!
And then, of course, I am
also taking two other courses online. One is through the CALL (Ctr for Anglican
Leadership & Learning?) – Developing a Habit of Prayer – which has been
quite good. I’ve never been a very conventional pray-er, and the course is
helping me both see how I am more prayerful than I thought and also exposing me
to different ways of praying that suit me better. I’ve also registered for
another course with them in the next cycle which is about finding the holy in
poetry -- yippee. That will be great, I’m sure. I am blessed to be able to take
these courses at a deep discount which makes it possible.
One thing I realized last
week in this course was that all of the photo slideshows I’ve created are, for
me, prayers. Whether it was about the Rwandan genocide or homelessness in San
Francisco or LGBT people in Uganda, this artform is a prayerform for me. And
so, I created a new one, “Captivated.” You can download and watch it at: http://www.telphoto.com/CaptivatedYT.wmv. It is about 8.5mb and is a Windows Media file
so I don’t think it will run on a Mac (sorry).
The other course I’m taking
(also at a deep discount) is called Awakening Joy and is led by a man
affiliated with Spirit Rock Meditation Center (Buddhist). This is really a more
structured way for me to keep delving into this inquiry about happiness. A
friend of mine is also taking the course and we are “buddies” for each other.
Every day I mail her a list of things that have made me happy that day which
has been an incredibly useful practice. I realized pretty early on that this is
not something I’ve paid much attention to in my life. Now that I am paying
attention, I am learning both that I am happier than I would have said and what
are the things that make me happy.
The book for the Awakening
Joy course is, How We Choose to Be Happy, by Rick Foster & Greg
Hicks. It’s a lot of stories of very happy people they interviewed. The
description of one person made me do a double-take because I thought for a
minute they had unknowingly interviewed ME. This woman “thought of herself as a
woman of depths who’d spent her life trying to “make a contribution” primarily
through her work in the community. Personal happiness seemed like a silly
objective.” I actually think I have said those exact words on numerous
occasions. . . But you know, we all grow older and wiser eventually .
I also read, Happiness,
by Mathieu Ricard and have started Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar, both of
which I would recommend if you are interested in the topic.
One of the practices that
Awakening Joy recommends is singing which has had me start listening to music
much more (at times other than while running). Some new stuff that has grabbed
my attention includes: “Captivated” by Shawn McDonald (from his new album
Roots), “With You” by Chris Brown (which I heard about via a blog I
follow—check out the YouTube video, it’s great), a new woman from the UK named
Adele who has a great voice – think Amy Winehouse without the addictions (her
album is 19), Marié Digby’s “Better Off Alone” and “Say it Again” from her
Unfold album, the Grand Valley State University New Music Ensemble’s recording
of Steve Reich’s “Music for 18 Musicians” and Mike Oldfield’s new classical
album “Music of the Spheres” which is sublime.
Socio-political situation
Some of you may have heard
that there was some unrest here in Cameroon in early March. It started with a
taxi drivers’ strike to protest a big increase in the price of fuel. But a taxi
strike is basically a direct message to everyone to not work (since we all get
to work by taxi). The first day, they stopped operating around 10am, which
means we were all at work already. Some of the okada boys (motorcycle taxis)
were still operating, but others of them would go after them with sticks to
either hit them or stick in their spokes to stop their bikes. So, that meant I
got to walk 2.5 miles home that evening. And then VSO and everyone in my
neighborhood advised us to stay inside. Since I don’t live on the main road
anymore, it was all quiet where I was and I didn’t have much of a sense of what
was happening. But on the 2nd day, a bunch of people came running
down through our quarter—a young man had been shot up at Mile 2 junction. Later
that day, I went out hunting for food (note to self, always have a couple of days
of food on hand. . .) and there was a crowd gathered up the street. I talked to
a guy who said that was the compound of the young man who’d been shot and he
died. He was only shot in the shoulder, but he bled to death because he didn’t
get to medical care in time.
The strike lasted a week.
They destroyed the taxation office and did some damage to the post office. They
also (for some odd reason) burnt a bunch of the PMUC booths (PMUC is a French
horse betting operation). The scene was pretty similar in Bafoussam, Douala and
Yaoundé. All in all, there were 6 people killed here in Bamenda and more than
20 in Douala. The taxi drivers did negotiate some small reduction in the fuel
price, but people up here are pretty disillusioned about the whole thing. They
don’t understand why the prices are going up of things produced in Cameroon
(like food and petrol).
A bit closer to home—in the
elections last year, they broke Bamenda into 3 “towns” each with their own
mayor and council and we have the best mayor! He is actually fixing
the road. Now, that was a major pain for two months because the road was
blocked which made it very difficult to leave or return to my side of town. But
now they’ve opened up the road while they finish the work and it’s great where it’s
fixed. The junction by the two Total stations at Cow Street was basically one
enormous crater that was only prevented from sinking into the depths of the
earth by the “Rock Man” Augustine and his friends who used to get stones from
the river, break them down and fill in the worst holes and then stand in the
middle of the road asking for donations. But now it has been paved with
concrete blocks and it’s such a transformation! I noticed the other day that my
body still automatically tenses up (to cushion to blows) when it no longer
needs to. The mayor was in my quarter last Monday at the installation of new
quarter officers for security and sanitation. Although I contributed to the
celebration, I got involved in work and didn’t go. I should have. Apparently
he’s recently returned from a trip to California where he met with mayors of
three or four towns and he gave a rousing speech about how we need to do our
own development.
The future (personal)
Okay, this may seem a bit
odd, but I seriously need help.
Do you have a latent
matchmaker inside you that’s just looking for the chance to express
her/himself? If so, I might have just the chance you’re looking for. You see,
the thing is, I am really ready to be in a relationship again. Really, really
ready. But my current circumstances make it incredibly unlikely that I’ll find
someone on my own where I am.
I am pretty clear the sort
of person I am looking for and what I have to offer, but as you might imagine,
I’m not living the kind of lifestyle that is everyone’s cup of tea. Yet, I’m
sure there’s someone out there for me. if you think you might know someone I
should get to know or you want to be my matchmaker, hit reply and send me a
message. I can say a lot more. Thanks.
On other fronts --
I had an epiphany a week or
so ago on the subject of happiness, that is, particularly things I do/have done
that make me happy. Three core things: photography, facilitation, and
spiritual counseling. Having had the opportunity to facilitate several
workshops over the last months has reminded me how much I love it. Really love
it. Even if I get so nervous I want to throw up beforehand, once I am in front
of the room interacting with people, I feel great. And afterwards I feel so
satisfied, so fulfilled. That! I wanna do more of that! So, that is definitely
one of my criteria for my next job, that it include opportunities for
participatory facilitation.
The spiritual counseling
thing – I’m not sure what reminded me, but I remembered how much I loved doing
the San Francisco Night Ministry. I love just being with people when they are
thinking about life or God or meaning, whether they are struggling or
rejoicing, angry or sad or thrilled, it’s all great. So, I’m looking into the
possibility of doing a distance-learning course in Spiritual Direction. This is
something that is really needed in Africa. Most people here are quite religious
and they speak in religious language, particularly when they talk about what is
bothering them. But there are very few pastoral counseling or spiritual
direction programs in Africa. Ever since I spent a month providing pastoral
counseling at an HIV/AIDS clinic in Uganda in 2004, I’ve wanted to do something
to make this more available to people here. I just never before could get that
it was ME.
The photography thing –
well, it’s my creative outlet, so of course I love it. But the thing I really
love is creating slideshows with music. It brings together my love of music and
images. And it allows me to communicate in a way that I think is quite powerful.
The thing is, I have no idea really what to do with this. I don’t want to try
to make a living through photography, not sure why, I’m just not drawn to that.
But I would really like to have my photos seen and slideshows experienced by a
lot more people. On the recommendation of a friend, I’ve requested a
consultation with a very well-known professional photographer. I’m hoping
she’ll be able to help me identify my audience and how best I can use my talent
to make an impact in the world.
The future (professional)
A few months ago my mother
said I was looking for the perfect job that would fulfill all my needs in life.
I didn’t think that was really true, but it was probably true enough. Then a
friend of a friend sent me Po Bronson’s book, What Should I do with my life?
and that was a great help to me in my thinking about what I want to do next. I
realized somewhere in the midst of this that I was waiting for God to tell me
what to do. (Very ironic – when I was in high school, I saw the movie “Waiting
for Godot”, sort of. I couldn’t stay awake for more than 5 minutes of it. It
was not lost on me that I was doing the same thing now that had so powerfully
sent me to sleep back then.) It occurred to me as a matter of integrity
that this is my life and it’s my job
to figure out what to do with it. And then, amidst all the stories in the
Bronson book there was one story of a woman who came up with a different way of
asking the question which really resonated with me. First, this quote from
someone who expresses how I’ve always felt:
“I want my experiences to
add up. I want them to be useful, and to come together. I don’t really know how
they fit together, but I think about it all the time. They have to add up to
more.” P. 406
But this was what really
resonated with me and gave me a new perspective:
“You have to realize you
have to select something and make it work for you. I can’t just keep looking
for that perfect job—there isn’t a perfect job that’s going to marry these
things I’ve done and make me happy.” . . Rather than asking, “What can I do
next?” or even “What will make me happy?” she was starting to see the relevant
question as, “To what can I devote my life?” p. 213
“To what can I devote my
life?” has so much more space in it than trying to find “where I’m meant to
be”. There is so much worthy work being done to which I could happily devote my
life.
That being said, finding
someone who wants me has been harder than you might think. Particularly someone
willing to pay me a living wage for my skills, experience and knowledge. I’ve
had interviews for two jobs and applied for a fellowship through my church, all
of which did not succeed. I was notified by a few other places I applied to
that I was not being considered (which I really appreciated – communication is
a really nice thing). I got feedback from one place where I applied to be the
Finance & Administration Director who said they didn’t think I had enough
Finance experience and thought I’d be better in a Program or Project Management
job. That really surprised me because I thought on paper I looked very strong
in Finance and less strong in other areas. Feedback is a wonderful thing.
But I have discovered that
I do not take rejection very easily, particularly in the cases where I’ve
gotten to the Interview or Proposal stage and I’ve invested a lot of my heart
and soul in the possibility of a position. Since I am deep into the job search
process, it has been a bit of a roller-coaster for me. One thing I am learning
to do is manage my tendency to depression and despair. That’s a good thing
(learning to manage it).
Currently, there is still a
possible post as a UN Volunteer (waiting for them to get back to me), there is
a possibility to do some consulting work for about 6 months doing
capacity-building in several different places in Africa, there might be a
possibility of finding funding from a different source to go and work with the
group in Uganda that I wanted the Fellowship for, and there is the possibility
of extending my time here in Cameroon.
Coming back to Cameroon for
another year is enticing. In large part because I know what I’m coming back to,
I get to choose (if I choose by the end of the month), and then the whole issue
is settled and that relieves me of a lot of stress. The work would be very
interesting—similar to the OD work I did with NWADO which I’m very good at, I’d
get to move up to the Far North, learn a new culture and work in French, and I
would have a chance to do more facilitation training for the other volunteers.
Those are all pluses. I’m worried about money, though. Not living-in-Cameroon
money, the stipend they give us is plenty for that. But I have been spending
money in the US this year out of my savings to buy running shoes, vitamins and
music. And I need to see a dentist and I think I need new glasses (it has
gotten noticeably harder to see in the last couple of months). I could probably
survive without buying new music (with a lot of discipline) but the others are
health requirements.
Then I wonder if I’m not
just delaying the inevitable. Well, actually I am. I mean, I cannot be a
volunteer forever. VSO will only let you extend so many times. And although I
don’t have many material needs, I do have a few that will need to be renewed in
a year or so and one of my life goals is to be able to travel. Those take more
money than I get as a volunteer. . .
I’m still applying for any
job I see that I’m qualified for, but it’s stressful. So few get back to you
and virtually no one ever tells you why you didn’t make the shortlist (one
place I interviewed offered to give feedback, I said yes, please do, but I
haven’t heard anything since). I’m sure I could learn a lot if I had any clue
what impression I was making and why they thought I didn’t “fit.” But it mostly
just feels like throwing balls into some black hole. . .
In case you’re interested,
here’s what I want in life right now:
- A job in the developing world where I am building the capacities of
local people and/or organizations (in project planning & management,
including fundraising, organizational development, or finance).
- Enough money to: support myself (food, clothing, shelter, transport,
communications and entertainment); maintain/refresh computer, photography &
music gadgets every few years; take an annual vacation to travel the world; take
a course in something that interests me; donate to church; and save a bit for
my old age.
- Necessary medical care, including glasses/contacts and dental checkups.
- A spouse to love and with whom to share/build my life.
That’s about it really. I’m
a simple woman .
I hope all is well with you
and yours. I think of you often, sometimes at the oddest moments. (For some
reason, whenever I do Bridge pose in yoga, I get an image of standing across
the street from St. Aiden’s and the Safeway in Diamond Heights in San Francisco!)
Depending on what opportunity comes to fruition and what I decide, I could be
back home for a visit as early as the beginning of July or as late as
mid-September. Somehow, having the possibility so close is making me a bit
homesick. I wanna dance in the pond at Willits. I wanna eat really good sushi
(oh God, sushi!) with friends. I wanna lie on a beach somewhere. I wanna walk
the aisles of Whole Foods (even though I know it will probably freak me out
with all the choices). I wanna try on new clothes. I wanna drive a car. I wanna
tell jokes that people understand.
I’ll let you know as soon
as I know when I’m likely to be back in the US. If any of you are interested in
having me come to your church, club, group or whatever and do a presentation
about my work, Africa, etc., I’d be thrilled to do that. Regardless of what
happens, I expect to be in the US for at least a month and possibly two. So
keep that in your mind.
Love, grace and peace to
you,
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